A Mother's Realization

REAP researcher Xueyang Liu describes here how a mother literally and metaphorically tramples on the project’s guidance materials before she comes to embrace the methods of active parenting.

 

QING YOU HE TOWNSHIP, SHANGNAN COUNTY – In the beginning, the mother was always too busy taking care of a younger 9-month old baby sister. She would not participate in any of the planned activities with her toddler daughter, Xinxin, who was part of our parenting project. She also misplaced our materials, even though the goal of the program was to teach parents and caregivers to engage with their toddlers.

DSC_3085

Xinxin's mother originally dismissed He Miao's lessons, until she saw for herself the positive effects they had on her daughter.

I joined He Miao, a family planning worker, when he conducted the parental training sessions at Xinxin’s home and saw how the mother initially disregarded our efforts and repeatedly refused to play with her daughter. The girl’s father is a migrant laborer, the grandfather also works, and the grandmother is usually busy with chores, so the toddler is often left to play on her own.

From a Rude Reception …

During our first visit, He Miao tried to teach the mother activities to do with her daughter, but the mother was distracted by the baby sister and did not yet realize the benefits of interacting with Xinxin. She stayed mostly quiet, leaving He Miao to do most of the talking.

In the weekly sessions that followed, whenever He Miao asked the mother if she had played with Xinxin that week, he always got the same answer: “No.” She was too busy, the mother explained. As He Miao prepared to leave one day, Xinxin’s grandfather expressed his appreciation for our efforts but admitted that the grandmother and mother do not care to play with the little girl.

We were dismayed another time to learn that the mother had lost our toys from the previous week’s session. She spent 15 minutes looking, but couldn’t find all of them. The handout we had given her was dirty and had her footprints on it. Seeing the negligent way in which she treated our materials made me feel terrible. I felt our efforts in helping her child were unappreciated and figured that He Miao must have felt the same way I did – only more strongly. Calmly, however, He Miao picked up the wrinkled handout and reminded the mother to take care of the program materials and to diligently do the specified activities with her daughter. That’s the only way the activities could be effective in developing the youngster’s language, physical, cognitive, and social abilities, he explained.

… To a Warm Welcome

Two months later, I returned with He Miao on one of his parenting sessions and noticed Xinxin’s mother had undergone a change. In stark contrast to her reluctance and demeanor earlier in the program, she was actively participating in the activities. She asked her daughter to identify the dolls that were part of the lesson on “receiving visits from new friends.” She even shared funny anecdotes about Xinxin while the girl offered us tangerines.

Xinxin’s mother saw significant changes in her daughter’s development after a few weeks of doing activities with He Miao. Compared to his first visit – when Xinxin refused to leave her mother’s side – the toddler is more talkative and says goodbye to people. Since the realization, He Miao says the mother always has the prior week’s handbook and toys organized, ready to give back to him.